can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
it's like iHOP with fire
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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