If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
