i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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