im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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