how can u be prego again
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
