Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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