Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
