you turned your livingroom into a bong?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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