You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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