matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
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he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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