youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You pole danced in your parka.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
