CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
