its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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