hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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