Cold hands, warm shart.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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