He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
