In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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