strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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