Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize