Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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