the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
