Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
