Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
