Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
