Moan for me like Helen Keller
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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