He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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