Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
