I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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