An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Your penis caused this!
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