okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
