When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Randomize
