Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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