Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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