Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
