Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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