Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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