I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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