his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
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I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
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My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
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