yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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