I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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