You're my little dorito
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
