What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
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he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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