no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
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If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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