Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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