I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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