do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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