I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
