His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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