I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
