So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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