so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
