The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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