He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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