Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
