She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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