Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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