I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
