so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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