She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
