Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You're like the curious george of whores
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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