I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
