I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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