NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize