And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
