I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
3 2 1 whiskey
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
