If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
