i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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