Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize